They/Them/Theirs Pronouns: What are they?
September 24, 2019
In a recent Twitter post, singer Sam Smith announced that they use they/them pronouns. This comes a few months after they announced that they were non-binary. Many people have questioned this choice, claiming that they/them/their pronouns are inherently plural in the English language. This will hopefully help to clear up some of these questions.
First, you may be wondering what exactly ‘non-binary’ means. According to Merriam-Webster, it means “relating to or being a person who identifies with or expresses a gender identity that is neither entirely male nor entirely female.” But what does this really mean? Some people feel a disconnect from the binary genders of male and female entirely, while others still feel some connection to one of the two aforementioned genders. Many of these people refer to themselves as non-binary, since they don’t completely feel aligned with either of the two binary genders.
Now that that is cleared up, it’s time to tackle the larger questions: aren’t they/them pronouns plural? And why do people use them for themselves?
No, the pronouns they, them and their are not strictly plural. Sure, they can be used to refer to more than one person, but they can just as easily be used to refer to an individual. You’ve probably used these pronouns in place of the usual he or she when talking about someone you can’t guess the gender of, and if you haven’t, you’ve probably heard someone who has. Singular they has been used for centuries; it’s not some new trend that kids are starting to use for attention. (In fact, the idea that people use they/them pronouns for attention can be very harmful and delegitimizing.)
As for why people use them, there are all kinds of reasons. Some people don’t use they/them/their exclusively, while others do. Most people use them just because they feel right.
I use they/them/their pronouns, for example. When I first realized I was non-binary and started looking around for pronouns, it took a while before these ones stuck. It takes time and experimentation before someone will know what they’re comfortable with. But it’s important to go with what makes you comfortable and not what you think makes others comfortable.
Some people don’t even use the pronouns many people are accustomed to (see chart), while others don’t use pronouns at all. Pronouns are a way for a person to decide on how they are referred to. It’s all up to them and what they are comfortable with. No matter what, people will use the pronouns they want, and others should be ready to use those for that person.
If you’re ever wondering what pronouns someone uses, ask them. Sure, it might be a bit awkward at first, or they might give you a confused look, but it’s a habit that more people should be adopting. It helps to make the world more inclusive and hopefully ensure everyone’s comfort. Start out by asking your friends, or practice introducing yourself by saying, “My name is [name] and I use [these] pronouns.”
Sarah Santangelo (sophomore) • Nov 8, 2019 at 8:20 pm
You argue against how they/them pronouns aren’t strictly plural. As evidence you mention that they/them pronouns are commonly used to refer to that of someone an individual may not know the pronouns of. However, you claim that it is okay for someone to choose they/them pronouns for themself even if everyone else already knows that is a girl/boy. Your evidence of not knowing the gender of someone is not viable for your claim.
Although someone might not feel as if they completely “align with the two genders,” that does not mean he/she is a completely new term or gender. Almost no one in the world feels or acts completely feminine or masculine. Boys have feminine and masculine traits. Vice versa with girls.
I refuse to deconstruct society by going to the tacobell employer saying “I’d like to order a chalupa. And before you even talk to me, my pronouns are she/her.” That’s just not how the world works. Humans subconsciously analyze the physical features of other people before they decide that is a he or her. If I get someone’s pronoun wrong, he/she may then correct me.
You say that it would make the world more inclusive if we ask people their pronouns before speaking to them. You do realize that under %1 of the world is transgender, and an even smaller percent is gender non-conforming? Why do we have to change society for that small percentage of people? I see the LGBT as just people. We already have human rights. Why are we fighting for special words like Ze, Xe, and Fae that look like they come from another language? We are already accepted as is and we are fighting for things that are not needed. Why aren’t we speaking out for the people who get murdered for being gay in the Middle East? Even being gay is punishable by death in six of these 18 countries in the Middle East. Hello? Actual problems? The world would be more inclusive if we spoke out about that.
Parker Hopkins • Nov 12, 2019 at 8:45 pm
They/them pronouns can be used by people regardless of their gender identity. Some people who identify as female may use they/them pronouns, some people who identify as male may use they/them pronouns, and people who identify as non-binary may use they/them pronouns. Pronouns don’t necessarily equate someone’s gender, as it is up to each individual person to identify as they wish. There are people who, as previously stated, are non-binary, and are not male or female, while there are also people who are non-binary, but still identify partially with male, female, or another gender. The term non-binary is not a “completely new term”, as it has been used since the 1980s. Feeling masculine or feminine does not determine someone’s gender identity, as those terms are typically used to describe gender expression.
I am not saying that you need to introduce yourself with your pronouns to every single person you meet, I am just giving the suggestion, so as to make the world more welcoming and accepting to those of us whose pronouns are not always apparent. I, myself, use they/them pronouns, though many people can’t tell that from my appearance. By including pronouns in one’s introduction, it allows people like me to be able to do the same without scrutiny.
While, yes, there may be a small percentage of the population that identifies as transgender, that is still roughly 75 million people. Also, there is no way to accurately tell how many people are or are not transgender, as the surveys or censuses that tend to find these demographics do not reach the entire population. Even if they did, as people I believe we should make the world as open and accepting as possible for everyone.
Yes, the LGBTQ+ community may have some human rights, but those rights are not equally distributed. According to a Vice article from July 2019, there are still 26 states in the US that can fire someone just for being transgender, while 17 states can fire someone for being gay. Both of these are terrible issues, that should be rectified. However, not everyone in the LGBTQ+ community is accepted like gay and lesbian people are. Just this year, there have been at least 18 murders of trans women in the US, and trans people are already more likely to be harassed and discriminated against. The acceptance of pronouns is something we need, as using a person’s proper pronouns is integral to our acceptance. This piece was specifically about the importance of pronouns, but I am not saying that what is happening to gay people across the world is not bad. It is terrible that there are countries that still kill people just for being gay, however, this was not the topic of the story. As a high school news source, it can be difficult for us to cover things that are going on across the world, especially things that may not directly impact students at the school. One thing I’ve been trying to do since joining the Arrow staff is increase the range of stories we write to include more of the LGBTQ+ community, but it is not easy. People are not always eager to comment on stories about these topics, as some students are not out to their family or friends, and this could put them in danger. Also, as high school students, people may not be knowledgeable enough on these topics to comment on them, or write about them. I wrote this story because it directly impacts myself and others in the school, and it was relevant to news at the time, as Sam Smith had just announced they use they/them pronouns. It was not my intent to lessen other issues within the LGBTQ+ community, only to bring light to something that many people overlook.